I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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