I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
