some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
