there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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