he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
