I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
