Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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