i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
