dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
