we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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