Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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