The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
