when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
