I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
