Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
