I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
