If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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