your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
