i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
