Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
