Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
