You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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