omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
