I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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