I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
