he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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