i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
