I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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