were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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