You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
