Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
