between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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