last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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