I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
