I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
