you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
