she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im holly from the hills drunk
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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