tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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