Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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