So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
