You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
