ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
