why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
