Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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