WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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