My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
