i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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