i already hear my dad disowning me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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