I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
