I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
