My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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