Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
